Dying to teach your man to touch you in all the ways you secretly crave --
"I always thought I had a great sex life," remembers Bhavana*, a 28-year-old school teacher (*some names have been changed). "I usually had orgasms during oral sex though never while doing the deed." Then she met John, a guy who encouraged her to voice her each and every sensation. "John made it clear that he loved it when I was super vocal in bed, so I started oohing and aahing in direct proportion to how much he was turning me on. And an amazing thing happened: He got so tuned in to my pleasure purrs that he starting doing new moves I had never even fantasized about. One night, when we were in the missionary position, he lifted my pelvis. I moaned and he lifted even higher. I had the most incredible orgasm of my life!"

Like Bhavana, many of us settle for second-best sex, not only because we don't know how to communicate to our partners what pushes our pleasure buttons but because we're not always sure what those buttons are. Maybe that explains why a new study found that 20 percent of young women have trouble getting turned on and 26 percent are unable to reach orgasm. "Sure, we all wish guys psychically knew how to touch, lick, and stroke us every time -- then we wouldn't have to explain our turn-ons to them," says Sari Locker, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex (Alpha Books, 1999). "But you can't expect even the most experienced man to be a mind reader. You have to overcome your awkwardness, take charge of your between-the-sheets pleasure, and show him how to satisfy you."

. Read on to discover the tricks that could take your lust life from so-so to oh-oh-oh and the sneaky, sexy ways you can clue him in to your cravings.


The Shape That'll Make You Shudder
Stop-the-press sex shocker: Guys and girls have different ways of warming up pre-passion. "Women are aware of their erogenous zones -- the backs of the legs, neck, and behind the ears -- and they generally need these areas to be stimulated before they can become aroused below the belt," explains Laura Berman, Ph.D., sex therapist. "Men, on the other hand, focus mainly on their erection as the center of their sexuality -- they often don't realize how much touching their partners need before being hot enough for more advanced foreplay, let alone intercourse."

So how can you make sure you secure these crucial pre-sex strokes? Nudge him to give you "the swirl," recommends Lou Paget, author of How to Be a Great Lover (Broadway Books, 1999). "To use this subtle seductive move, he traces slow, soft circles and waves along your forearms, neck, the palms of your hands, and any other sensitive body spot," Paget explains. "His circular touch electrifies the nerves under your skin more than if he just ran his fingers up and down in a straight line."

Sneha and her boyfriend use the swirl as a warm-up technique to prep for a night of slow, steady arousal. "After experimenting with different speeds and directions, I found the most incredible sensation occurs when my guy traces circles on my breasts -- gradually getting closer and closer to my nipples," says the 25-year-old receptionist. "He'll also make incredibly tiny circular motions using just one fingertip on my clitoris. After a few minutes of such slow ecstasy, we're both primed for the next sexy step."


The Three Signs He Must Ignore The female body can be pretty puzzling -- even for women. So imagine how hard it is for men to try to navigate and you'll see why he needs all the help he can get. "When we first started dating, my now-fiance was convinced I didn't like it when he nibbled my nipples because they did not always become erect after several minutes of mouth play," recalls Divya, a 30-year-old Doctor. "As a result of his misreading my signs, he stopped kissing and squeezing my breasts -- two things I totally love. Finally, I had to reassure him that whether my 'high beams' were on or not didn't necessarily have anything to do with how hot I was down below."

Your nipples aren't the only hot spots that can refuse to stand at attention when you're aroused. Just when it seems you're ready to reach a mega-orgasm, your clitoris can suddenly decide to play hide-and-seek and disappear -- though really it's just retreated a bit beneath its tiny hood (a totally normal occurrence). "This used to freak my fiance out when he was giving me oral sex. He would assume I had lost interest and stop stimulating me just when I was dying for him to keep going," recalls Beena, a 22-year-old law student. "I had to explain to him that the reason it retracts is because I'm so close to climaxing, not because I'm tired of it."

The final physical response your guy should interpret cautiously: The amount of lubrication you produce. "Many men I've talked to assume that because their partners have become moist, it's time to move on to the main event," explains sex therapist Berman. The bottom line: Tell him to heed your verbal and tactile clues first, and then pay attention to your body's responses


The Two Things He Needs to Do Simultaneously
Gayathri, a 25-year-old fashion designer, wanted to introduce her boyfriend to foreplay her way. "Rajeev's foreplay moves were hit or miss -- sometimes I'd climax when he went down on me, other times his tongue would just leave me numb." The answer to Gayathri's pre-deed dilemma? She encouraged her man to try two moves at the same time -- a step Berman says works orgasm magic because it provides varied stimulation. "The combination of two different sensations -- the softness of his mouth plus the firmer touch of his fingers -- is a really pleasurable move for lots of women," she explains.

But if you're too self-conscious to ask outright for the foreplay you're looking for, try this subtle sex strategy: "Put his forefinger in your mouth and suck on it slowly, mimicking the exact motion you'd like him to use on you with your tongue," Paget advises. "Say, 'this is what I want you to do between my legs -- and it would be incredible if you touched me with your fingertips at the same time.'"


Three Words That'll Bring on Your Biggest O Ever
Forget raunchy pillow talk and four-letter words. The language that will really float your man's sexual boat is -- surprise! -- Passionate praising of his performance. Phrases like "I love that"; "Oh, my God!"; and the clear, concise "Yes, yes, yes!" work so well because sexy speech lets a guy know without question that he's turning you on. "Men are desperate to please. Once he knows he's rocking your world, trust me, he won't want to stop -- and he'll remember his winning moves next time," author Locker explains. Your outrageous oral ovations will also show how enthusiastic you are about being naked with him.


The Lift That Will Send You Soaring
"Having an orgasm during intercourse has always eluded me," remarks Pooja, a 28-year-old psychologist. "My man and I try tons of positions, but we've never found an angle that works for both of us. Usually, Peter thrusts until he just can't hold back any longer -- and I'm left longing." Pooja is not alone -- according to one study, up to 70 percent of young women are unable climax through intercourse. The solution: getting both your bodies in the perfect pleasure position. "Situating yourself so that your pelvis is tilted lets your partner penetrate you at an angle that allows his penis to rub against your G-spot," Berman explains.