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Renee Hoagland

Myself

I tend to overlook things that should be real
I tend to make the pain seem like a dream
I tend to try and change how I might feel
I tend to take to heart how some things seem

I make a path through my own darkness
I make rules and still I can't follow through
I make mistakes and it is a sentimental bliss
I make myself think that I need you

I can't help the way I am today
I can't change the way I'll always be
I can't hear what you really meant to say
I can't understand that respect for me

I don't control too much of what will take place
I don't grow used to being respected
I don't know why I choose to show a different face
I don't understand why pain isn't accepted

I have always been in so much pain inside
I have lived that life for six long and broken years
I have never had the chance to never hide
I have never been able to face my fears

I can't expect you to understand or know
I can't expect pity or friendly concern
I can't help how my soul seems to show
I can't be anything but what I learn...

So please don't turn your back on me
This is all I have and it's not much
I have always been blind to what I should see
And I have always been afraid of the careful touch

I don't know what I want and can't tell you
I am sorry and so afraid that you won't understand
It has always been something I wouldn't do
To actually reach out for a helping hand...